Getting Back
by somebody101
Summary: Nick goes over evidence from the Walter Gordon case in an attempt to find some closure, but instead all he finds are more problems. When Grissom gets involved the situation only gets worse.


**Getting Back**

Notes:I just felt like writing a shorter story, and thought I'd try this. I hope you enjoy it, and I always appreciate reviews!

Summary: Nick goes over evidence from the Walter Gordon case in an attempt to find some closure, but instead all he finds are more problems. When Grissom gets involved the situation only gets worse.

* * *

He had come in early for this… he wasn't sure what he was looking for, but he knew he needed to do it. There had to be something here to help him. His eyes lingered for a while on the various photos that had been taken after he had been taken to the hospital. He could still feel the ants crawling on his skin whenever he managed to get a few hours sleep. _I need to face this… I'm not going to let it control me anymore…

* * *

_

Grissom waited patiently for his team to show up in the break room. He looked back down at the cases he was about to hand out, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He closed his eyes tightly for a brief moment when he heard the door swing open, and the regular, cheery voices of his team entered the room… except they were still one short.

"Have any of you Nick?"

"No, and we just came from the locker room, so he isn't there." Greg piped up, his good mood was beginning to fade…

"Did he sign in, maybe show up early?" Grissom asked, hoping that Nick wasn't late… again.

"Uh… no, Griss… You were the first one here, we came in only about five or so minutes later…"

"Great. Ok, here are your assignments… take em, and like always; do your best."

"What about you?" Catherine asked as she noticed everyone holding a slip except for him.

"I've got to call Nicky, and make sure everything is ok."

"Look… Gil," she paused as the others slowly left the room; their good moods vanished, "take it easy on him. He's been going through a lot…"

"I know that Catherine," he replied somewhat irritably, "but he still has a job, and that means he still has some responsibilities."

"Ok, I just hope you know what you're doing, because I don't." She didn't wait for a response as she quickly turned and went out through the door. Grissom nearly winced as she basically slammed the door shut behind her. _I'll probably live to regret this…

* * *

_

His eyes peered through the clear evidence bags, but he couldn't seem to find what he was looking for. _I don't even know what I'm doing…_ He stopped as his eyes finally fell upon the small cassette tape that he had recorded his message on. _Maybe I missed something there… I just need to know why…

* * *

_

Grissom began to tap his fingers impatiently on his desk as the phone rung. He decided against leaving a message as he heard the Texan's voice come on over the answering machine. He sighed in irritation, and tried to call Nick's cell phone once more, only to receive the same results… _Where are you Nick?

* * *

_

Nick carefully placed the tape in the player, and tried to suppress the sudden urge to smash it into pieces as that voice that still plagued his dreams started to speak.

_So breathe quick, breathe slow, put your gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Any way you like, you're going to die here. Okay? _

Those final words had never really left him. He knew that he'd never be able to actually forget that cold, heartless voice… Then he paused. _I could've sworn I just heard something…_ His hand moved over the rewind button, and he listened more intently.

_Any way you like, you're going to die here. Okay?_

There was a long period of silence, and then he heard it…

_Perfect._

He took several deep breaths, and tried to remain calm. _I need to tell someone. Grissom, or Catherine… they'd be able to… to what? Someone else is out there… someone who had no qualms about burying me alive…_ He told himself to move… to tell someone, but his body wouldn't respond. All he could do was sit there staring blankly at the computer screen that showed the spiked line that was formed from the voices on the tape…

* * *

"Hey, Gil, what do you need?" Catherine asked somewhat guardedly into her cell phone.

"Well, I was just hoping to get an update on your case."

"It's going just fine. We've found some evidence that may link it to a prior case, so I'll be heading back soon to check it out."

"That's good news. Keep up the good work, Catherine."

"Hey, Gil…" She began cautiously, "did you get a hold of Nick yet?"

"No Catherine, and he isn't answering either phone."

"Listen, I know you don't want to hear it, but he's still got to be trying to cope…"

"Catherine, save it. Like I said before; he has responsibilities. If he can't cope with something he shouldn't be working anyway."

"For crying out loud, Gil! You need to step back for a moment and look at the situation! It's been what? Two _hours_ since shift started… he's _never_ been this late before without a good excuse…"

"Look, I can handle this situation just fine, and I don't want to keep you from your scene. This discussion is over. Goodbye, Catherine." He didn't wait for a reply before he hung the phone up. He rubbed his forehead as he looked at the stack of evaluations he still needed to fill out, so that Ecklie wouldn't be all over him for not doing his job. He still didn't like the fact that he wasn't supposed to tell his team members that they were currently being evaluated… Of course he hadn't expected anything bad to come from it, until Nick had started coming in late… _Where the hell are you Nick?

* * *

_

Catherine walked quickly through the crowded halls, and didn't bother to apologize to the growing number of people she was bumping into. She sighed as she finally reached her destination. _Why can't he just be reasonable… for God's sake the man was buried in a coffin for over twelve hours…_ She began to walk along the rows of boxes that contained all types of evidence. After several minutes of searching she grabbed the box she needed, and froze.

* * *

"Hello. Grissom here…" He forced himself to be calm, and managed to hide his irritation quite well.

"Gil, I found Nick."

"What, where is he?"

"Well… I guess what I should say is that I found out where Nick was…"

"And that would be where Catherine?"

"Well… he was in the evidence locker about an hour before shift started."

"Did he check out any evidence?"

"Yeah… he checked out all the evidence that we collected concerning his abduction…"

* * *

He froze. His mind suddenly went back to the tape… the second voice… a voice that Nick knew nothing about… He absent-mindedly hung up without saying another word. He hurried out of his office only to spot Archie sitting behind a desk filling out paperwork… _Please… please say he isn't there…_

Nick continued to stare blankly at the screen. His mouth was open, and he was constantly finding it harder to breathe…

* * *

Grissom plowed past the groups of people gathered in the hall. He had to make one last turn before he'd make it to the AV lab. His eyes locked in on the door, and it slammed against the wall as he forced it open.

He distantly heard the door slam open, but he still couldn't get himself to move… _Get over it… You're stronger than this. Just stand up, and get on with your life…_ His eyes closed as the next thought crashed down on him… _What life? You don't have anything left… not anymore._

"What are you doing in here Nick?" He didn't even realize how harsh his own voice was as he asked the question. _I want some answers, and this time I'm not taking any excuses…_

The voice made his head snap back up, but he still couldn't get himself to move… it was a voice he had rarely heard… it was a tone that his supervisor only used when he was…

"I want _answers_ Nick, and I want them _now_."

He wasn't sure how he did it, but he slowly managed to stand up. His trembling hands clung to the desk. _You can do it; just answer him. Just him that you needed closure… he'll understand. Won't he?_

"I… I needed…"

"What, to compromise evidence? To cause yourself even more pain? For God's sake Nick; it's over. Move on."

"How… how can you… even s-say that?" He finally found the strength to turn around… the strength to face the angry man standing there.

Grissom suddenly found it impossible to say anything. He couldn't take his eyes off the other man. He finally took in the trembling hands… the quivering body… the fearful look in his eyes… _What in the hell am I doing? Why am I so mad at him?_

"You… you don't have any idea what it's like! You don't know how hard it is! That damn voice is the last thing I can even think of when I go to sleep… and then I find out that someone actually helped him!" He was shouting now, but he didn't care. _Why can't they understand? Why can't they actually be there for me?_

"Then why don't you tell me, Nick? _Honestly_. Ever since you've gotten back you've just blocked us out, so _why_? Why won't _you_ let us help you?" His own voice was rising, but he barely noticed.

He couldn't fight the tears any longer. He bit his lip and looked down at his shoes. _I was right the whole time… He is… I let them down… all of them._

"I… I-I'm so… s-sorry…"

"I'm giving you a three weeks suspension, with pay. I'll have an appointment with a psychiatrist set up. If you refuse… well… it may be time for you to…"

"Why don't I just save you some time? I'll have my letter of resignation on your desk by the end of the day." He didn't wait for a response as he quickly raced out of the room, past the faces that were staring at them in disbelief. He tried to wipe the tears from his eyes, but he quickly realized his actions were futile. _This'll be better for everyone… They need to move on with their lives. I'm not going to let them waste any more time worrying about me…

* * *

_

He looked up, only to be greeted by the numerous stares of people who had overheard the entire 'conversation'. _It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Why couldn't I just stay calm… how did I just lose control?_ His wandering eyes finally landed on the four other members of his team… He could see Greg and Sara's confusion… Warrick's shock… Catherine's fury… He turned away, and looked back at the screen Nick had been watching… He could see the spiked voice patterns still opened and the label at the top clearly read: Walter Gordon. The bar that showed how far the tape had played was at the very end…

_He had to find out on his own. All by himself; not with the comfort of any friends. How did I let this happen? How could I have been so stupid?

* * *

_

"You guys. Go find Nick. He's going to need as many friends as he can get." She bit down on her lip as she tried to steady her rising voice.

"Uh… yeah… we're on it… what about you?" Warrick barely managed to get the words out.

"I'm about to give someone a piece of my mind." Her eyes flashed around towards the other people still looking on in shock, "Alright everyone, the show is over, now get back to work!"

"I'm going to go apologize, Catherine… I just don't know what came over me…" he said as he heard the door open behind him.

"You are going to, but not until we have a nice chat as to why you exploded in here."

"I told you… I don't know."

"Don't give me that crap Gil. You hurt him. Right now he needs support… friendship… he needs to know that we care about him. As far as I'm concerned you haven't done a whole lot of that."

"Catherine… I… he…"

"What do you really know about what he's going through Gil? Did you even know that Kelly Gordon came by to visit him? I wouldn't have even known if I hadn't happened to see the visitor's sign in sheet. And apparently there's another voice on that tape. I don't know if Nick's realized it yet, but you obviously must've known about it."

"Why wouldn't he tell us…"

"What are you trying to do Gil? You keep shifting this onto Nick's shoulders. It almost sounds like you're blaming him! I hardly even know how to talk to you anymore. You just don't pay attention to common sense!"

"You don't understand Catherine…"

"Well, then help me understand. Because if you don't, then we may never see Nick again! If you don't we'll be losing more than just a great CSI, we'll be losing a great friend… a friend who would do anything for us!"

"You didn't… you don't know what he said Catherine…"

"What… when? I heard everything he said now, and while it wasn't much, it sure wasn't anything that should've really upset you!"

"He apologized to me Catherine! To me! He said… he said he was sorry for letting me down… It was the last thing he recorded on that damn tape!" He was yelling again, but this time he was no longer angry.

She sighed as the last words finally registered… _Of course he was reading Nick's lips…_ "Gil… He was scared to death. If you really wanted to let him know that he didn't let you down why did you go and pull this stunt that could only make him feel that way?"

"I… I need to know why…" his voice had calmed down considerably, and she could begin to hear the guilt in his voice…

"Listen… this isn't the end of the world, Gil. Nick isn't dead… you can still apologize… you can still set this straight."

* * *

Warrick ran out into the parking lot, and came to a halt as he was cut off by Nick's Denali as it quickly pulled out and headed off into the night… _Come on Nick… don't do this…

* * *

_

Grissom quickly hurried through the halls towards his office. He couldn't afford to screw this up, and he needed to make sure Nick got the truth… His door swung open silently, and he stopped as he saw the small envelope lying on his desk… Without the slightest bit of hesitation he ripped it open, and read the letter.

_Mr. Grissom,_

_You may consider this my formal resignation, and as I do not plan on staying in the city of Las Vegas for much longer, I apologize for not giving you two weeks notice. However, I'm sure that you should have little problem with finding a suitable replacement that could easily surpass my limited capabilities._

_I'm sorry that I was not able to fulfill even your lowest expectations, and I do not feel that it would be fair for me to continue to waste anyone's valuable time, including yours. I have already taken the liberty to clear out my locker, and you'll find the key inside for whoever takes my place. I trust that you will have no problems turning in the following forms so that they may be processed, and my resignation can be properly taken care of._

_Nick Stokes_

_P.S. I'm sure you don't want to do me any favors right now, but I'd appreciate it if you could say goodbye to everyone on the team for me, and tell them how sorry I am that I let you all down._

Grissom stared blankly at it for several minutes… It was short… and nearly heartless. There was no way he would've ever suspected that Nick had written it if his signature hadn't been plastered onto the bottom. His eyes quickly scanned the following forms that had been hastily filled out… _How in the hell could I have been so stupid?

* * *

_

Warrickwanted so desperately to follow his friend to his house… he wanted to talk to him… comfort him. He sighed. He couldn't leave now. He'd wait until their shift was over…

* * *

His hand slowly passed over the handle of the locker, and he silently opened it. After releasing a deep sigh at noting how the door that had once bore numerous photos of the team and Nick's family were now gone… the only object lying in the locker were two keys. With a quick motion he grabbed the keys and stuffed them in his pocket. He quietly shut the door, and turned to move when he noticed something.

Grissom could tell at once that they were pictures… He slowly bent down and looked over them. Another sigh escaped as his eyes landed on the last picture of Nick smiling happily with the rest of the team. A team that he kept finding ways to hurt… _I'm supposed to be their supervisor… They should be able to come to me for help, but I didn't let him. And, now, it might all be over…_

Grissom looked at his watch in annoyance. _Why in the hell is there so much traffic?_ He had been sitting in the same spot for at least an hour and a half by the time he was once more moving. A quick glance ahead showed two cars being pulled apart, and numerous officers running around, trying to keep the scene secured. It technically should have been his crime scene, but at the moment he was heading for a much more important destination…

It was another hour before he finally pulled up in front of the dimly lit house. He sighed as he saw the Denali sitting in the driveway. _This isn't going to be easy, but I don't have a choice. This was my fault, and I'm not going to let this go unsettled._

He walked slowly up to the front door, and paused to take in the well kept lawn… He shook his head, and forced himself to focus as he knocked on the door. It was few minutes before it cracked open, and Nick, who was unsuccessfully trying to hold back his tears, greeted him.

"W-what are you doing here?"

"We need to talk Nick…"

"I-I'm not sure I can… take any… more… talking." He could hear his voice faltering, and wished he could be stronger… be the man everyone expected him to be…

The supervisor quickly held up his hand as the door started to close.

"Please… Nick… just let me come in… just let me explain."

"I don't… fine… I'm kind of busy, so I'm sure that you can tell me how much I've disappointed you fairly quickly…"

He stepped back and held the door open to allow Grissom to enter. Boxes were scattered everywhere, and he found himself speechless as he saw most of the shelves empty of the various pictures, books, and miscellaneous objects that had once given life to the now dull home… _Of course he was planning on moving. Just another little tip from that letter that I didn't pick up on…_

"Don't… don't do this, Nick."

"Why shouldn't I? Vegas hasn't exactly been kind to me over the years."

"Neither have I, but things can change Nick. I was stupid. I never treated you fairly; I raised your expectations so high that no one could've met them. No one on the team could've met them…"

"No… look, don't waste your time Grissom. I'm sure you have plenty of cases to be going over."

"Nick, please listen to me. I'm standing here right now, not at some crime scene. You're more important than some dead body, or any crime."

"Why exactly are you here? I quit; it's over. In a few hours I'll be on a plane back to Texas…"

"I'm here because…" his voice faltered, and he cleared his throat before continuing, "because I was hoping that you might give me another chance. I'm here to ask you for a chance for me to show you that I'm proud of you… for a chance to show you that you've never disappointed me."

"Why should I, Grissom? Why should I trust you? Why… why should I…"

"Nick… please… I can't force you to trust me, and after how foolish I've been I wouldn't trust me either. All I can say is that I want to make things right. I want to help you… I want you to be able to sleep without… hearing that voice… or seeing those glass walls… or feeling those ants…" His voice finally gave out and he could feel the tears swelling in his eyes. He looked back up when he felt the younger man's strong arms wrap around him.

"Thank you… thank you so much… for everything Griss. Now I… I could use some help with these boxes."

"I…" he couldn't finish. He looked back up at Nick, and was surprised to see that he was smiling weakly.

"I'd hate to have to unpack by myself. Who knows if I'd find anything to wear for tomorrow."

"Well… it would be a shame for you to have to wear the same clothes to work two days in a row…"

"I thought I was…"

"No. I wasn't thinking right Nick. I was confused, and I never should've said what I did. You can come back tomorrow, no strings attached."

He slowly nodded his head. "I think I could use a day off anyway, but I'll see you the day after tomorrow?"

"Whenever you're ready Nick."

He felt himself being hugged once more, but this he hugged his friend back before moving to close the door, and he slowly made his way towards the nearest box. The two worked silently at replacing the items on the shelves, and after several hours the place was looking as lively as ever.

"It's good to have you back Nick."

"I… I'm not sure I'm quite there yet, man…"

"Well, I promise I'll do my best to keep my door open…"

"Thanks… d-do you think that whoever that other voice was will… want… revenge?"

"I can't say Nick. I should've told you about it as soon as I found out… I guess we can add that to my list of screw-ups."

"I… I hate him… I don't want to, but I can't help it… look what he's done to us for crying out loud…"

"You have every right to hate him for what he did to you, Nick…"

"Nothing will ever be the same… I'll never be 'normal' again… hell, we'll all probably feel guilty for the rest of our lives…"

"Nick, listen to me. We don't have to get back to the way things used to be. Things change everyday, and there isn't a way to just turn back the clock. We have to grow… we have to learn to overcome the hard times, to beat them."

"Yeah… I guess you're right… it's… it's just s-so hard."

"I know Nick, I know…" this time he hugged the once more crying man. "Just give it time… things will get better… I promise, and besides, you've got a lot of great friends who would do anything for you." He slowly handed Nick the picture he had found of the entire team.

He couldn't help but smile when he saw the happy faces looking back at him. _He's right… I know things are going to get better… They have to._

He couldn't suppress the yawn, and looked a little guilty as he eyed Grissom.

"I guess you should be getting back to work, huh?"

"Ah, Catherine can handle things back at the lab for a while… You look tired though, you ought to get some rest."

"I'm not sure… I'm not sure if I can face that right now…"

"You don't have to face it alone Nick…"

He slowly coaxed Nick into his room, and waited quietly as the younger man tried to fall asleep. After several minutes he quietly came in and managed to grab Nick's hand firmly. He sat down in a chair next to the bed, and sat there silently.

Something about his supervisor's actions comforted him. He didn't feel the ants crawling all over his skin… he didn't see the Plexiglas walls closing in around him… he didn't hear that heartless voice as he slowly drifted into sleep. All he saw were flashes of his friends and family as they laughed and smiled happily…

* * *

Warrick wasn't sure how to react when Grissom didn't show up the next evening. He had gone by Nick's place, and had seen Nick's and Grissom's vehicles there, but neither had opened the door when he knocked. _It's ok… Just relax, and give them space. This is bigger than you…_

He looked up at Sara, Greg, and Catherine and could tell that they were wondering at their supervisor's absence as well. He looked up as Catherine slowly handed them each an assignment.

"Ok, let's get this going. I know you'll all do your best."

The shift passed uneventfully, as they worked their cases. They held nothing back, and found it easy enough to collect the evidence they needed.

They barely bothered to say goodbye as they left. It seemed like only minutes later that they were once more gathered around the table for their next shift.

"Damn, I really could've used some more sleep…"

"You look like it, Warrick…"

"Well, you don't look to good yourself Sara…"

"Shut up Greg… just because you get all hyped up on coffee…"

"Yeah, well, I could use some of that myself." Catherine piped up.

"Now, now… Catherine… are you sure you want to put that type of stuff in your system? I hear it's pure caffeine."

"Nick! What are you doing here?" Warrick nearly flew off the couch as he saw his best friend standing in the doorway wearing a genuine smile.

"Well, it took some work, but I got him here on time…"

"Yeah, except that you're a day late Gil." Sara retorted happily.

"Uh… you guys… I just want to tell you… thanks… thanks for being there… thanks for not letting me go, for not giving up on me…"

"Man, you're the one we should be thanking… you've given us a lot to be thankful for…" Warrick quickly gave his friend a hug. And he knew they were lucky… _he's finally back… or almost back at least._

Nick smiled as his friends engulfed him. _I won… No. We won. He can't hurt me anymore; not even if someone else out there wants to hurt me… It's over, and I guess I came out with a whole lot more than I what I went in with._ He laughed as Greg accidentally spilled one of his cups of coffee all over himself… _It's good to be back…

* * *

_

_The end

* * *

_


End file.
